[P] Silent Assassin

wetkakashi · 03-09-2008, 11:15 PM

Just a little something I whipped up from awhile back.

Silent Assassin
Of the howling moon-star night
A path of darkness, a path of light
A ruthless shadow, a flawless heart
Never feeble minded, from the start

A passionate shadow of the light
A fierce illumination of the night
A silent revolution since the start
A dark warrior of light, true of heart

The stig · 03-09-2008, 11:33 PM

I don't know why, but this makes me think of love, it resembles it, in a sense.

I don't know if that's what you were going for, but that's what it came off like, to me.

"The passionate shadow", is the one who loves, but cannot truly have.

"True of heart", being truthful to ones self, about their feelings.

Though i'm not sure what you were going for.

wetkakashi · 03-09-2008, 11:43 PM

Wow....are you a seer of some sort?......you totally described me.......But yes, you are on the right track - though there's more to this poem.

Arigatou!!!!

**Martzu** · 04-09-2008, 05:37 PM

Maybe because you're big Kakashi fan, my first thought was this is description of Hatake Kakashi. My thought was this is about his change from cold single minded shinobi to someone who has warmth of a heart.

Flow worked really well and I liked the tight structure. Really good job ^^

The stig · 04-09-2008, 07:16 PM

^I had first thought about kakashi because of his set lol, but then strayed, as you can tell lol.

But it does describe kakashi very well.

Ninjagirl · 05-09-2008, 04:52 AM

Lol This made me think of Kakashi as well.
I thought it was great! It flows nicely.

batman555 · 06-09-2008, 02:10 AM

On the last line of the first stanza, I think you can omit the comma. It doesn't make sense grammatically to put it there. The flow and rhythm are great though.

wetkakashi · 08-09-2008, 06:33 PM

Yea, that comma at the end was kind of a debate while I was writing it, but it makes sense now not to include it.

I never really thought my poem did Kakashi so well - either that or it's the fact that I've etched my love for kakashi so well into your guys's mind. (via avatar)...^_^

Thanks for the critique!!!!!

03-09-2008, 11:15 PM	#1
wetkakashi Hunter-nin Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Colorado Posts: 2,096 My Mood: Rep Power: 10	[P] Silent Assassin Just a little something I whipped up from awhile back. Silent Assassin Of the howling moon-star night A path of darkness, a path of light A ruthless shadow, a flawless heart Never feeble minded, from the start A passionate shadow of the light A fierce illumination of the night A silent revolution since the start A dark warrior of light, true of heart __________________ " I will protect you with my life, All of you." "Those who break the rules and codes of the ninja world are called trash............but you know what, those who don't take care of their comrades ...are lower than trash."

03-09-2008, 11:33 PM	#2
The stig Niju Shōtai Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: England...one and only Posts: 5,777 My Mood: Rep Power: 16	re: [P] Silent Assassin I don't know why, but this makes me think of love, it resembles it, in a sense. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but that's what it came off like, to me. "The passionate shadow", is the one who loves, but cannot truly have. "True of heart", being truthful to ones self, about their feelings. Though i'm not sure what you were going for. __________________

03-09-2008, 11:43 PM	#3
wetkakashi Hunter-nin Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Colorado Posts: 2,096 My Mood: Rep Power: 10	re: [P] Silent Assassin Wow....are you a seer of some sort?......you totally described me.......But yes, you are on the right track - though there's more to this poem. Arigatou!!!! __________________ " I will protect you with my life, All of you." "Those who break the rules and codes of the ninja world are called trash............but you know what, those who don't take care of their comrades ...are lower than trash."

04-09-2008, 05:37 PM	#4
Martzu At the end of the world Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Finland Posts: 9,026 My Mood: Rep Power: 40	Re: [P] Silent Assassin Maybe because you're big Kakashi fan, my first thought was this is description of Hatake Kakashi. My thought was this is about his change from cold single minded shinobi to someone who has warmth of a heart. Flow worked really well and I liked the tight structure. Really good job ^^ __________________ Konoha Mura Kudan Aiko Nekomigaja Kisu Yaranaide Irareruka Ametsu Kinomi Tsume Hanone Soma Mari Midori Hisui Haruka Shizuka Takeuke Takeo Hitoha Momoko SS Kurogane Himawari

04-09-2008, 07:16 PM	#5
The stig Niju Shōtai Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: England...one and only Posts: 5,777 My Mood: Rep Power: 16	Re: [P] Silent Assassin ^I had first thought about kakashi because of his set lol, but then strayed, as you can tell lol. But it does describe kakashi very well. __________________

05-09-2008, 04:52 AM	#6
Ninjagirl Niju Shōtai Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: WV Posts: 5,031 My Mood: Rep Power: 29	Re: [P] Silent Assassin Lol This made me think of Kakashi as well. I thought it was great! It flows nicely. __________________ Owner of

06-09-2008, 02:10 AM	#7
batman555 Kazekage Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,521 My Mood: Rep Power: 666	Re: [P] Silent Assassin On the last line of the first stanza, I think you can omit the comma. It doesn't make sense grammatically to put it there. The flow and rhythm are great though. __________________ [ Fanfictions: Reborn! + Naruto + more ]

08-09-2008, 06:33 PM	#8
wetkakashi Hunter-nin Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Colorado Posts: 2,096 My Mood: Rep Power: 10	Re: [P] Silent Assassin Yea, that comma at the end was kind of a debate while I was writing it, but it makes sense now not to include it. I never really thought my poem did Kakashi so well - either that or it's the fact that I've etched my love for kakashi so well into your guys's mind. (via avatar)...^_^ Thanks for the critique!!!!! __________________ " I will protect you with my life, All of you." "Those who break the rules and codes of the ninja world are called trash............but you know what, those who don't take care of their comrades ...are lower than trash."