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26-08-2008, 07:58 PM
| #1 |
| Medical-nin |
The sudden influx of scripts (Two) on this page sort of inspired me to go back to the one I was writing a little while a go. This one is a little more dialogue have than the other two so beware, and not as much action either. I would also enjoy some tips on my formatting because I've not been doing this for so very long and also had a long break (like for example how to write a phone/P.A. convo, which I attempted here). OTher than that enjoy The spacing messed up oh and also its goin to be at least 14-18A for language.
__________________ Last edited by SL.x; 09-09-2008 at 05:34 AM. |
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26-08-2008, 09:28 PM
| #2 |
| Niju Shōtai Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: England...one and only
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Very good. Though i'm absolutely shattered, even more so than i was about an hour ago lol, i can see that you've set this up for two things. You could either go down the path of a good drama, or go down the path of an action revenge type of thing. The way it was opened left space to put mystery and story to the accident, yet also left space for this to be a heart warming drama. Oh, and there's technically 5 scripts lol, the other two, however, aren't in proper script format due to the fact, i didn't have the proper programme lol. Very good work and the phone conversation was fine.
__________________ Last edited by The stig; 26-08-2008 at 09:29 PM. |
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26-08-2008, 10:01 PM
| #3 |
| Genin Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: The writers room
Posts: 104
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Amazing script my friend. You have talent for dialogue, it was all crisp, witty and real. I see this as sort of a HBO Drama, like The Sopranos but set in the world of Psychiatrists. Keep bringing on more. It was an amazing read indeed.
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27-08-2008, 05:58 AM
| #4 |
| Medical-nin |
Thanks guys, I hope you keep reading and I will try to develop the Arthur character a bit more right now. I am really going form some personal inspirations right now. Last edited by SL.x; 27-08-2008 at 06:12 AM. |
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27-08-2008, 03:32 PM
| #5 |
| Genin Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: The writers room
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Loved the second part. James reminds me of Ari Gold from Entourage now, don't know why. Also I think Arthur is going through a lot of emotional pain, but he seems to hide under sarcastic comments and weed.
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27-08-2008, 10:45 PM
| #6 |
| Niju Shōtai Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: England...one and only
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It's certainly an interesting family you have there. He seems like an incompitent father, who cares. Arthur certainly seems like a bit of a pot head, more so james. You've certainly got a strong show or film here. But very risky to, if you plan on getting it produced etc. But i'm liking it so far.
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28-08-2008, 12:30 AM
| #7 |
| Medical-nin | Its funny you should say that, I actually started the whole script with evisioning James as an Ari gold type of character. That said he starts off a bit slow and shows flashes of that but than grows, but I hope you guy's will see that a little later on. Yeah,
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28-08-2008, 07:27 AM
| #8 |
| Medical-nin |
Now, I'm moving into my new place before my Second Year in Uni starts so I am not sure how much I can post between then but I will try, here is the third part so far. I'm mostly done with the introduction after that, although it was a bit lengthy, now ready to get into full out story developments. Just so you know, the I was afraid to make the highschool scenes at all because then it will end up looking like a teen drama, I'm trying to veer off from that and in my later ideas I hope I am succeeding (mostly in my head though, the appear here as I type them up to be honest.) Enjoy. Also I really wanted to set up Anna to be not like most of bullshit girls I've known through highschool, but as a witty and independent kind.
__________________ Last edited by SL.x; 28-08-2008 at 07:32 AM. |
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28-08-2008, 03:49 PM
| #9 |
| Genin Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: The writers room
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Arthur's a great character, I loved the: ARTHUR (CONT'D) So what is this like the Grade Three introduction when I tell them my favorite color, band, and actor? Or should I go the mature way and start with whom I mastrubate to? line, made me laugh. Still I can't help but feel some sort of rising sexual tension between Arthur and his cousin Anna. I mean I don't know if that's what you wanted, but that's what I'm picturing in my mind.lol |
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28-08-2008, 08:18 PM
| #10 |
| Niju Shōtai Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: England...one and only
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Nice installment. Arthur seems a little clueless and Anna seems like she doesn't fit into to any of the groups lol. Also, she seems very steryotypical towards people. I lik ehow you can add humour to this seemingly unhumorous moment.
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29-08-2008, 09:09 AM
| #11 |
| Medical-nin |
I feel like I need to rework this one for some reason...
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30-08-2008, 12:31 AM
| #12 |
| Niju Shōtai |