[P] "A Clock"

[June Bear]

Another piece I wrote in between school and work. It does have a some what of a significant meaning to me, hope you guys enjoy.

The clock hangs on the wall,
Hanging in a void of silence.
This timepiece does not care for measures of seconds.
It, as all clocks can, move forward,
But to our dismay it may also move back.

However, not to move is something of greater misfortune.
The tormenting lull of the clock upon the wall,
Telling us,
There will be no progression.
Nor will there be recession,
We will exist in this state of silence.

The never-ending stillness is devastating.
The moment captured is not of happiness,
Much more awaits those who break the glass of stillness ahead.

The clock does not move for us.
I would much rather it moves back if never to move forward ever again.
I can take the delirious optimisms no more.

I ask the clock to move and move fast.
I am met with defiance.
Not by the clock but by the other half of my silence.
A clock is just a clock,
And silence is not of one but two.

[4thseal]

Very nice June Bear! I really admire your style and they way this poem, as well as the last has taken an inadament object and brought it to life. It's also very introspective and the way you discribe a clock and the introspective of it is very interesting. I especially liked the ending:

I ask the clock to move and move fast.
I am met with defiance.
Not by the clock but by the other half of my silence.
A clock is just a clock,
And silence is not of one but two.

This is just neat! Like a great ending and really made me think of the whole subject you bring for to my mind. Especially, ending with silence and that being the persona's only reward is great and it's interesting how there seems to be something to take from the silence.

My critique would be the same as the last, add more discription, try to work on your meter, but overall very very nice story telling, unique from a western stand point or at least i get that feeling, which makes me wonder if you are influenced by the country of your heritage, or whether just another countries literature. Regardless, i really enjoyed this and thank you for sharing!

[June Bear]

Very nice June Bear! I really admire your style and they way this poem, as well as the last has taken an inadament object and brought it to life. It's also very introspective and the way you discribe a clock and the introspective of it is very interesting. I especially liked the ending:



This is just neat! Like a great ending and really made me think of the whole subject you bring for to my mind. Especially, ending with silence and that being the persona's only reward is great and it's interesting how there seems to be something to take from the silence.

My critique would be the same as the last, add more discription, try to work on your meter, but overall very very nice story telling, unique from a western stand point or at least i get that feeling, which makes me wonder if you are influenced by the country of your heritage, or whether just another countries literature. Regardless, i really enjoyed this and thank you for sharing!

Thanks for the comments, it mean a lot to me you have no clue lol. Actually I'm from the Bahamas still pretty close to North American and western ideas and writing styles but, I try to draw from more than just our modern/western writing styles. I go to university in Canada now, it's my first year and the english course I'm taking here has really opened me up to different poetry styles and foreign literature from over the years. So I feel that has had a beneficial affect on my writing. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'll make sure to keep your critique for my next work

[Mashy Potato]

I find free verse poems very appealing, more so than structured ones (unless it's a Poe poem). Naturally I find this aurally pleasing - I read aloud every poem I encounter

"delirious optimisms" really coloured up the poem for me.

[M-Van Kardada]

the structure of the poem fits the theme, although i like poems that have a rhythm and a rhym more but i enjoyed yours

[June Bear]

Thanks for the comment, I like to write both free versed and structured poems it just depends on what I write about, what best fits the tone and subject sometimes